


Dangan Ronpa V3.8: This is (Not) a Dream Episode

by TellThemNaegi



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2, Super Dangan Ronpa 2.5
Genre: Junko Has a Bad Time, Multi, Narrator Ibuki, Socialist Komaeda, Ultimate Talent Development Plan (Dangan Ronpa), Weaponized Harem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24516280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellThemNaegi/pseuds/TellThemNaegi
Summary: It was a normal day in Hope's Peak Academy...until it wasn't.“I pity you, Chiaki. You can't even see that talent is weighing you down.” - Nagito Komaeda“I don’t know about hope, but I’d love to be friends. Let's spend the day working on that, kitten.” - Makoto Naegi"Miu-sama’s getting rid of all the lewds.” - Miu Iruma
Relationships: Iruma Miu/Iruma Miu, Komaeda Nagito/Normality, Naegi Makoto/Everyone
Comments: 15
Kudos: 93





	Dangan Ronpa V3.8: This is (Not) a Dream Episode

_A day didn’t pass when Class 77 wasn’t packed, thanks to the respectable and downright nutty Chisa._

_Fuyuhiko didn’t like it one bit. He was reckless and untamed. None of that mixed with sitting in class, listening to boring lectures. He stared wistfully outside, wanting to go back to a time when he didn’t have to attend classes._

_Suddenly he turns to the seat behind him, his face growing redder by the second._

“What the hell are you doing, Ibuki?!”

The Ultimate Musician puffs her chest and holds a thesaurus in hand. “Ibuki is doing the narration.”

While looking like he was slapped in the face, the short male turns back. “No. Not doing this.”

_Fuyuhiko resumes his role as the class straight man. Even though he’s a yakuza._

“Don’t fucking join her!” The blonde whips his head to his teacher.

“It sounded fun.” Chisa Yukizome shrugged humorously. “She called me nuts, but _I’m_ not complaining.”

“That you’re not bothered, is _why_ you’re crazy!”

“Chill out, baby. If you’re gonna react to everything these losers have to say, you’ll bust a vein.” Hiyoko rested her chin on the desk, sneering all the while.

“Don’t call me a fucking baby!”

Hiyoko looks past Mahiru at Ibuki, totally ignoring Fuyuhiko. “What’s the deal? You bored?”

“Ibuki talked to that library chick the other day, the glasses-wearing moody girl.”

“The dragonness.” Gundham seethed.

“She roasted him for how he talked once.” Kazuichi snickered. Ibuki thinks talking like Gundham could be fun, but also very embarrassing.

“Yeah yeah, that one. I’m trying to be friends with her.” Books are a gateway in.

“Don’t mean to burst your bubble. But the two of you mix like oil and water. It’s kinda impossible for you to get along.” Kazuichi said.

“That’s exactly why I want it. Impossible is fun!”

Lightning burst from Nekomaru’s eyes. That too, is a skill Ibuki wants. “THAT’S THE SPIRIT! - Is what I’d like to say but I don’t see what any of that has to do with you narrating outwardly.”

“That’s because reading is boring.” A collective sigh emanates across the room. “But If I treat the day like a story, maybe I can get into it.”

“A surprisingly innovative idea. Shame it’s so used so thoughtlessly.” The Fake-Cooler-Byakuya said.

“There’s no need for us to worry. Ibuki is an Ultimate, so she can do whatever she puts her mind to.” And there was Nagito.

“Hehe…You’ve been kinda quiet, Nagito.” Chisa-sensei sounds like she wants Nagito to go back to staying quiet. It's rude for a teacher, but she's only 2 years older than we are. Woah, that’s so weird. We could date and it’d be legal!

“She knows we can hear all of that, right?” Teruteru whispers to Peko.

“She knows.” The swordswoman replied.

“Sorry, sensei. It’s difficult to speak while being oppressed by you paragons of hope.” Nagito said.

“Oh boy.” “Here we go again.” “Can I go to the restroom?” “Kill me now.”

“Oppressed?” The Princess' intimate familiarity with the word allowed her to pick out this discrepancy in Nagito's typical rants.

Nagito smiled in that creepily ambivalent way of his. “Certainly. You’re all so cartoonishly exaggerated, it’s stifling. It’s like watching the vermin pretending to be ordinary people.”

“…He ain’t wrong.” Fuyuhiko adds. “Not even about the vermin part. Seriously, would you put those things in a cage, Gundham?”

“THE FOUR DARK DEVAS ARE NOT RODENTS!”

Nagito chuckled, directing his attention to Ibuki. “Take a good look. One argument jumps to another. Dysfunctionality flows so naturally because you Ultimates are so colorful. So dazzling. You’ll have no shortage of material writing the story that is your everyday life. Ibuki.” His smile drops. “But you’ll never be Fukawa’s friend that way.”

Ibuki gasps dramatically. “*gasp* Where did I go wrong?”

“She _said_ ‘gasp’.” Teruteru deadpanned.

“She did.” Peko replied.

“You’ll only be reminding Fukawa of her shackles.” Nagito stood.

“This is new. Still batshit crazy. But new.” Hiyoko commented.

“We’re unhappy?” Chiaki looked up from her game.

“Sure you are. Just ask Sonia.”

“That is not so! I have been having much fun with all of you.” The princess commanded with her arm outstretched.

“Yeah, don’t pick on Miss. Sonia, you psycho.” Kazuichi added, oblivious to Sonia’s sideways stare of disapproval.

“Case in point. Sonia-san is only happy because we treat her like an ordinary girl. All of us but Kazuichi at least and look at how _she treats him_.” The mechanic in question sulks to Nagito’s credit. “So long as you are pillars of hope. You cannot experience the joy of being ordinary.”

“…Nagito. I…don’t really know what to say here but this doesn’t sound like you at all.” Chiaki said.

“I pity you, Chiaki. You can't even see that talent is weighing you down.” Nagito briskly walks out of the classroom.

_“What was that about?”_

* * *

Junko Enoshima. Teen model by day, despair fetishist by night and bored out of her mind all around the clock. “This school has waaay too much hope.” Strange thing to say in the academy named _after_ hope, but logic wasn’t her forte, despite her overwhelming capacity for it-

“Ugh stop thinking boring stuff already!” Junko drilled her fingers into her temples. That’s it! She was going to create some serious chaos today or Monokuma so help her… “Well, well, if it isn’t King Milquetoast himself.” Junko said.

Coming into view was _Makoto_.

Skipping? As if.

His alarm probably malfunctioned, or he tripped over something and had to go the hospital for a bit, or he got kidnapped- wait, why does his life sound more interesting than mine?

Not to mention when he and his dumb hope were part of the problem.

“I can make do with ruining his day. It’s the _least_ he deserves.” Junko smirked. “Hey, Makoto~” She jogged up, plastering a smile onto her face.

Their eyes meet and Junko gets to plotting.

Physical torture? Too passé. She’ll go for good ol public humiliation. It’ll stick with him long-

“Yo, Junko-chan. Meeting you here is just my luck.” He two-finger waves.

The fashionista stops in her tracks.

Makoto never called her that. He never called _anyone_ that.

His posture is also wrong, too straight.

His steps are too confident.

And…what is that _blinding aura?_

“Skipping class again?” He asked.

“Gonna snitch?” She pressed her hands on her hips imposingly.

The weathervane of a boy doesn’t reply with his usual stuttering, but instead a cool “Nope. I’d join you.”

…

“Okay seriously this time. What’s up? No ‘gotta think about your studies, Junko’ ‘don’t mess with the fire alarms, Junko’ ‘stop Junko, think of the children’ ‘don’t shank the rabbits, Junko!’ spiel today?”

“There are way more important things than studies.”

Now this was new. New meant interesting. “I dunno what’s going on. But you’re slightly less of a dork today. Now quit the hope talk and we might be friends yet.”

What happened next crossed over from interesting, into what-the-ever-loving-fuck territory. “I don’t know about hope, but I’d love to be friends. Let's spend the day working on that, kitten.”

It was then that Junko Enoshima realized something had gone horribly, terribly wrong. And not in the good, end of the world, murder way either.

“Could you run that one by me again?” Asked the wide-eyed girl. Mistake number two. Makoto clarifies by taking two steps forward. Junko finds herself too petrified to step one back.

_“Who are you!?”_

* * *

“Make me a soda, Keeboy.” Said Kokichi Ouma. His short legs dangle in front of the class robot.

“I have no such function. And get off my desk, Kokichi!” Keebo flails his mechanical arms.

“Lies! I refuse to believe a walking-talking machine can be so useless!” Kokichi ignores Keebo’s pleas. “That team manager-senpai shoots out cola from his eyes. Stop holding out on me already.”

“That’s impossible, he’s a human!” Keebo gapes.

“Yeah, a human who also shoots lightning from his eyes _too_. Can you do that at least?”

“I…can’t.” Keebo’s shoulders fall.

Kokichi offers him a blank stare, then sighs “Could you be any more of a disappointment?”

“Funny, I was about to say the same about you.” Kaito’s hand latches onto Kokichi’s collar and lifts him off the robot’s desk. “How about you scram back to your evil lair or something and leave us respectable citizens alone, ya rat.”

“There’s nothing respectable about you, Kaito-chan” Kokichi exclaimed

“Shut your trap, I’m plenty respected. Right, Shuichi. Maki.” Kaito calls the sidekicks for backup.

“You don’t need us to tell you.” Sidekick #1, Shuichi said.

“I’m not agreeing with Kokichi, and I don’t want to prove you correct either. So I’ll say nothing.” Sidekick #2, Maki said much less enthusiastically.

“By that account, you’ve told us quite a bit, haven’t you?” Said Korekiyo, across her.

“Nobody asked you.” Maki snapped.

“A simple observation.”

“What a creepy degenerate. Butting in on girl’s talk.” Even though 5/6th of everyone who had spoken so far were men, but Tenko was likely to ignore that bit of common sense.

“I won’t deny I appear that way, but it’s not something I wish to hear of a stalker and aggressor.”

“Yaaay. That’s my Kiyo, taking the heat off me.” Kokichi beams, to the anthropologist’s dismay.

“I’ve done no such thing.”

“Put him down already, Kaito.” Kaede tapped her foot.

“Tch”. Kaito lets Kokichi sink to the ground, then rubs his hands on his jacket like he touched something vile.

Meanwhile, Rantaro took on the role of consoling the latest victim. “It’s just Kokichi, Keebo. Nobody cares if you can’t make soda. It _would_ be convenient though.”

“Perhaps I shall ask some upgrades from Miu.” Keebo said.

“It’s plain horrifying to think anyone would let Miu near their bodies. Much less play around inside it.” Tsumugi added. There was a sentiment everyone could agree with.

Everyone could also agree to expect Miu’s ill-natured and perverted comeback in 3…2…1…

…

“…”

Eyes fall on the Ultimate inventor. The blonde tinkering with a black whip on her desk. With multi-colored buttons on the handle, they knew it was no ordinary item. Nothing Miu made ever was.

“Maybe she didn’t hear you.” Himiko said.

“What are you working on, birdbrain?” Kokichi smiled. Miu may have been a worthless excuse of a human being, but boring, she was not.

“Can’t you see I’m fucking busy here!?” Miu growled.

“Tsumugi just gave you an opening. You didn’t take it. That’s suspicious.”

Miu rolled her eyes “You wanna find out what this bad boy can do?”

“Not really no. It’s probably some lame fetish invention again.” Kokichi’s head snapped to the side. His cheeks a harsh red as he registers what happened.

Miu whipped him in the face! “Ah-OOOW, WHAT THE FUCK?”

The crass woman towered over him, holding the whip in a horizontal line. “I’ve gotten real tired of your bull, Kokichi. I tweaked one of my newest babies slightly just for you.”

“I dunno about you, sister but whips have been around for a few centuries already. For the record, I’m also _not_ into S&M.” Kokichi rubbed his cheeks and grumbled. “The flashlight was way cooler.”

Miu’s craned her neck backwards over to Ryoma’s desk. Ryoma _.”_

The tennis pro sighs. He’d been dragged into the storm _“What_?”

“Who stole your hat last week while we were in PE?”

“I’ve got no evidence, but I’m about 90% sure it was Kokichi.”

“It told you it wasn’t me-oooooooooooow!”

Everyone in the room watched in awe as the supreme leader was enveloped by sparks of electricity before their eyes. 

“Since I hit you, every time you lie and talk shit, you’ll get shocked by 10000 volts of electricity.” Miu declared.

Nobody said a word even as Kokichi fell to the ground steaming, until…

“Gonta heard Kokichi purr like kitten for a second there.” The giant broke the ice.

“If you ran over its tail with a steamroller, sure.” Ryoma went back to relaxing.

“I-Is he dead?” Himiko asked.

“Probably not. Christmas isn’t for a few months.” Kaito sneered.

“How can it tell when he’s lying? How’s that possible?” Tsumugi asked Miu.

The blonde threw her a bored look. “Dunno. Why do clothes fly around you when changing disguises?”

“I plain deserved that.”

“Guys, he’s not moving.” Kaede cautiously poked the unconscious boy.

“Hm, Atua thinks he’ll be fine.” Angie said.

“And how does _he_ know?” Kaede lifted an eyebrow.

“He says there’s no character death in the tags.”

“Fair enough.” Kaede breathed a sigh of relief and skipped back to her seat.

“With that settled, I kind of appreciate the quiet. Good job for once, Miu.” Maki praised.

“If you loved that, get a load of this.” Miu’s arms snaked so fast, so unexpectedly that even the Ultimate assassin was taken off guard, reacting only after the whip smacked against her clothes.

“What is wrong with you!?” Maki flipped. The split ends of her hair stretched out menacingly. “If you’re going to shock me, I’ll-”

“Um…Maki?” Kaito pointed. “Your skirt.”

The red-eyed girl looked down. Her black skirt had been…lengthened, reaching down past the knees. Her head whipped up, raw confusion painting her features. “Explain.”

Miu folded her arms. “Keh, I think you’re the one with explaining to do. Same as the other broads in this dump dressed like softcore hookers.”

“T-There’s nothing wrong with the way we dress.” Kaede instinctively clutched her skirt.

“Miniskirts aren’t belts. What’s the point if everyone can see your ass?”

The pianist instinctively pulled down the edges of her skirt. “Miu, you’re really making us uncomfortable right now. Maybe more than usual.”

Miu placed her arms at her hips. “Instead of taking some proper advice, you’d like debasing yourselves so guys like Pooichi can perv on you?”

“I-I’m not a pervert!” The detective spoke in his defense.

“Take one look at Tsumugi and Kirumi. They’re bodies are rockin’ but at least they know how to dress properly. Floozies like you and Tenko should some damn public decency in a place of learning.”

Rantaro smacked his ear. “Did I hear that right? Miu said _‘public decency’_?”

“This is quite the statement you of all people would make.” Korekiyo assessed the development and proceeded to argue from a technical standpoint. “But I do not believe they have broken any school codes.”

“To hell with the school. If Hope’s Peak can’t make the halls SFW, I will.” The crack of her whip on the floor startles the students. “This bad boy’s an improvement over my underwear teleporter. Instead it teleports your short ass skirts away and replaces them with some damn length.” 

Such remarkable technology wasted on trivial purposes would have floored most, but the class 79 were accustomed to Miu by this point. What surprised them is what came next. Miu approached the doors. "Miu-sama's getting rid of all the lewds.” They heard a lock on the knob.

“What a forced development.” Shuichi said, amazed.

“G-Guys, could you lend a hand? I think Miu’s lost it.” Kaede pleaded as she and the other girls backed away. Maki had reclaimed her seat, already done with the one-sided conversation. Tsumugi and Kirumi were exempt from the beginning.

“You think so? Compared to Miu’s usual stuff, this is wholesome.” Ryoma said.

Korekiyo nodded. “I understand as well. Her intentions may be questionable, but this is the most socially appropriate invention I’ve seen her create. It would almost be cruel to stop her now.”

“And uh, if we did. You know she’d just bounce back even harder with something more ridiculous. Like an _electrocuting lie-detector_!” Kokichi, who at some point had regained consciousness, yelled.

Kaito, who was completely immune to the female dilemma, didn’t see any problem with the idea. “Just bear with it, girls. I mean, What’s the worst that could happen?”

-2 weeks later-

“Hurry up, Shuichi!” Kaito hissed.

_Shuichi nodded, following behind the astronaut. They sneaked from corner to corner around the academy campus. Fearing the guards that patrolled at every turn._

_They breathed heavy sighs after spotting The ~~77-A classroom~~ resistance base. Shuichi watched for anyone trailing them._ “We’re clear.”

Kaito knocked 3 times.

“Password.” Came a voice on the other end.

“Man’s Nut.”

“Bzzt.”

“That’s what was in the note!”

“Change of plans. The password is now ‘Kaito’s a dumb mutt.’”

“if I get my hands on you, gremlin!” They heard an audible smack on the other side. Moments later, the door opened and they rushed inside.

Mukuro Ikusaba closes the door behind them. Her other arm grips Kokichi’s skull.

“Thanks for that.” Kaito grumbled. The luminary of the stars faced front. “Couldn’t we have picked a bigger room?”

“I trust you weren’t followed.” Kyoko Kirigiri, the resistance leader, sat in the teacher’s chair.

“We made sure.” Shuichi noted.

The older detective gives a curt nod. “You three are the last. Now we can begin.”

Shuichi scanned the room, finding Korekiyo, Nekomaru, Mahiru, Hiyoko, Sayaka, Junko, Mondo and Kaede in attendance. Also a bunch of useless second-string boys. Speaking of which “Where’s Tenko?”

Head shakes aplenty are his answer.

“We couldn’t hold her back anymore. She went to challenge _him_.” Kaede answered sullenly.

Shuichi gripped his chest. “ _Even Tenko?_ This has to stop.”

Kaito punched the nearest wall. “How’d this happen?”

“Does it matter how? We should be focusing on we can do to stop it.” Kaede said.

“I don’t think any explanation for such a drastic change could be sensible.” Korekiyo spat. His nerves on edge despite his calm demeanor. There wasn’t a student present that wasn’t terrified on some level.

“I have my suspicions, but we’ll leave that for the end.” Kyoko replied. “For now, let’s assess the current situation. Look at the screen everyone.” The LCD the lavender-haired girl pointed to turned on, showcasing the school cafeteria.

_The seats were filled with boys and girls, separated by gender. They all wore an unbearably ugly school uniform. A white top, brown pants and matching blazers for the boys. In the case of the girls, their skirts hung at their knees._

There was no sound, but it wasn’t necessary. Nobody was talking, only eating.

“How are we getting this footage?” Shuichi asked.

A bunch of hands raised.

“We’ve been running around spreading cameras everywhere.” Kaede said.

“It would normally have been easier to get Chihiro to hack into security…but for obvious reasons, that’s not possible.”

A moment of silence for the fallen.

“Let’s begin with the new underground student council, and it’s president, Miu Iruma.” Kyoko slapped a ruler on her palm.

“Don’t you mean dictator?” Kokichi said sarcastically.

“A few days ago, Miu Iruma started the underground student council and began enforcing rules nobody ever cared to enforce. At first, we believe it was only a phase. The changes she made were small scale, but her persistence and sincerity drew attention.”

The camera zoomed in to show a red-eyed boy placing every student in the cafeteria under his hawk-like gaze.

“Sorry, guys.” Mondo apologized in the stead of Kiyotaka, the vice-president of the council who’d gotten suckered into Miu’s newfound charisma and order. Together, they went from simply changing the dress code, to enforcing the most menial rules. Running in the hallways would undoubtedly get you a week’s detention. Anyone caught skipping class? A month.

More members joined, some sharing their enthusiasm. Others for…personal reasons. Miu aside, the members of the council had special uniforms. Kiyotaka for example wore wearing a black tuxedo and white gloves. A trend the council promised would soon replace the student uniform. Not a single disagreement was voiced. Partially because everyone knew the real reason, and nobody felt like challenging the person responsible.

For Celestia Ludenberg was a terrifying woman to have as an enemy.

“That chick is unbelievable.” Mondo shook his head. “She’ll turn the whole school into a butler harem.”

“This is how it starts. After the rise the power is the fall to corruption.” Korekiyo remarked.

“Little bastards. I can’t even curse in public without getting whipped.” Kaito said.

“At least the baby is quiet now.” Hiyoko snickered at the gangster on the other side of the room.

Fuyuhiko looks and says nothing. Any words he speaks will result in getting shocked. Courtesy of Miu.

“It’s excessive.” Nekomaru said. “And they’re only getting crazier by the day. This school be a military boot camp by the end of the month.”

“We cannot overpower her either. Not with Keebo there.” The once-docile robot had its weapons system activated by Miu and now served as her bodyguard.

“For our second problem. We won’t need cameras.”

She switched the channel to a national television broadcast.

In a way, this was worse than Miu. A riot was broadcasted outside Hope’s Peak school gates. A parade of Reserve course students, students from other schools and even some adults were raising hell. An orchestra directed by the worst possible conductor!

Standing on a podium and preaching down below to the camp of ordinary people was Nagito!

“Down with talent! I’m tired of being weighed down by the oppression of the talented. At the same time, those ultimates are burdened and shackled by society’s expectations. Talent is a sin. Salvation lies in equality!”

Day after day, for hours on end, the luckster had tirelessly worked to stage a revolt. He appealed to the reserve course, and even some Ultimates. Even now the numbers on his side grew. For a guy everyone preferred to ignore, he suddenly really good at getting random people to listen.

“Nagito can be quite…charismatic when he wants to be.” Korekiyo said.

“He’s gone bloody crazy.” Fuyuhiko paused and blinked.

“Crazier than normal.”

The whole school might go under if he isn’t stopped.

“Pretty drastic change if you ask me. Couldn’t have happened overnight. Not naturally.” Shuichi noted.

“Agreed. That leads us to the worst of them all.” This time, Kyoko moved to the window and opened the blinds. The others followed behind the detective whose face darkened at the view of the grass field down below.

Like the celestial bodies orbiting the sun, a cluster of familiar admirers surrounded Makoto Naegi at the center. The relaxed luckster had a woman in both arms each.

A hand from the local swimmer places a chocolate sprinkled donut in his mouth. “Delicious. Almost as sweet as you, Aoi.”

“Geez. You flatterer.” A pink tint spread across her tanned features.

“D-Don’t suck up to Hina, y-you degenerate male.” Tenko, self-proclaimed manhater was the girl on his other arm. “Can’t you see that Tenko’s hungry too?”

“Sorry. I haven’t been giving you enough attention, Tenko-chan. Want one? Or do you want to me feed you?”

What came after Tenko opened her mouth made Kaito want to vomit. “That’s disgusting, but compared to the other two, this doesn’t look like an issue-” Kaito froze, almost literally _froze_ , at the sudden temperature drop. The source of the chill emanating not just from Kyoko but several others.

“Miss. Sonia's over there!” Kazuichi broke first.

“Sister…!” Nobody knew what the hell Korekiyo was going on about. It wasn’t like they could _see_ the ghost of a long-haired woman wrapping her arms around the luckster.

“If there’s anyone we have to put a stop to, it’s him!” A red-faced Leon clawed at the desk.

“Why don’t you boys talk him down then?” Mahiru proposed.

“Uh…rain check on that.” For good reason, not one male student had ever approached Makoto since his transformation.

One Sayaka Maizono raised her hand. “Um…it’s clear that whatever’s happening…they have to be connected to cause three from our classes to change so much.”

“But those three of all people. Why are we getting the season finale on the first episode?” Nobody could quite make sense of anything Tsumugi said. Well except Hifumi, if he hadn’t betrayed them for his mistress.

“Collectin’ information would be our best bet.” Mondo suggested.

“My thoughts exactly.” Sayaka dusted off her skirt. “I’ll go talk some sense into Makoto and find out what he knows.”

Before the idol could take a step out the door, a gloved hand clawed into her shoulder, keeping her firmly in place “You’re likely to be swayed. _I_ am most suited to the task.”

“How, Kyoko? You’re no less susceptible the moment you walk within distance.” The one to reply wasn’t the bluenette but Mukuro. “In my case, I might be able to tranquilize Makoto from afar. Then secure him somewhere he won’t cause trouble.”

“It wouldn’t work. Naegi’s luck would protect him.” Kyoko’s steely eyes met the soldier’s cold ones. “More importantly, I question your ulterior motives.”

“That’s rich, Kyoko. Aren’t you supposed to be the leader? What would happen when you fail _spectacularly_? I’m a lot more expendable than both of you so I should go.” Sayaka smiled sweetly.

Everyone calmly backed away.

“A-Anyone else thirsty?" Kaede remarked.

“Got the strangest feeling the only reason they’re not brainwashed down there is cuz of each other.” Kazuichi scratched his hair.

“No shit.” Kokichi frizzed. “Them aside. I don’t get hope boy. Hope man just became a different kind of freak while Miu’s always made the most useless junk. How did he become a literal chick magnet?”

“No. It’s nothing so overpowering. All it does is remove inhibitions and repression. Makes you…overly honest.” Kyoko took the time to break from the cat fight to answer the boy’s question.

“Based on?”

“Enoshima is our proof.” The detective jerked her finger at the fashionista.

The unusually quiet Junko was huddled in the corner like a cornered cat. They all evaded her in case she snapped. “Patient Zero over here. Also _immune_.”

“How?!” The boys reacted sharply.

“What do you mean how?” Junko’s eyes dilated. “You think I could be seduced by…by…Makoto!?” She spat out his name. “Everything about him is beyond gross. I wouldn’t even get despair, just disgust.” She shuddered heavily.

“Essentially. Makoto’s…uh harem protagonist field (coined by Tsumugi) only works if you find him attractive, even a little.” Shuichi explained.

Kokichi blinked. “This should be easy then. Throw Junko at him.”

“I’LL CLAW YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT!”

“Junko has been…very adamant about not assisting us on that matter, as you can see.” Kyoko said stone-faced.

“We’ll let the boys handle Makoto. Should be fine, right?” Mahiru suggested.

“Men are affected as well.” Everyone waited for an explanation from the detective. “Rantaro-kun dared.”

A slew of heads fell in silent mourning for another fallen brother.

“That guy was fearless.” Mondo said pained.

“And a bit of a natural airhead.” Shuichi said.

“Better watch out, Shuichi. You might be next.” Kokichi teased.

“That’s unlikely.”

“Oh please. Everyone’s seen the way you look at Kaito.” 

“YOU HAVE NOT!”

“Verifying Shuichi’s bisexuality will have to be saved for later. I’m already on the case.”

“Kyoko, don’t encourage this!”

“ _More importantly_ , we need to discuss what to _do_.” Kaito slammed on his hand on the desk. “Any ideas?”

“The reason we called this meeting was because we found an ‘expert’ to assist.” Kyoko pointed to the corner opposite Junko’s. Out of the shadow stepped another spikey-haired protagonist.

“Yo.” Hajime waved.

“You been there the whole time, Batman?” Kokichi said.

“You gonna take em out?” Mondo cracked his knuckles.

Hajime made his way over to the blackboard, drawing immaculate depictions of their three targets in a matter of moments. He pointed to the fluffy pain in the ass first. “Nagito’s luck is easy enough to deal with, but that’s not the issue. He rose to power without it by playing on the common man’s insecurities. He’s _technically_ done nothing wrong, and If I made him disappear, that’d only spark the powder keg. We’ve got to handle him peacefully. Sadly.”

His chalk landed on the next boy. “Getting near Makoto is tough. The girls around him are like vicious guards. Ultimates who’ve abilities have been raised several-fold. We’d get our asses kicked.”

“How?!” Shuichi gaped.

“Love conquers all. It’s an ironclad rule of the universe.”

“That doesn’t sound realistic.”

“Doubting me?”

“I’m a detective. I need credulity here.”

“So am I. In addition to having about a hundred other talents. Want to compare?”

“…Fair enough.”

Hajime nodded and moved to the top of the triangle. “The last…Miu Iruma. Well, I’m not walking within 20 meters of her on principle. Sorry.”

“Can’t fault you there. If only I had the choice.” Kokichi wisecracked.

“In other words, all three targets are presently invincible…” Hajime lead on…

“Ah.” Shuichi said.

“Would still be fine with killin’ all three of em.” Junko insisted.

“The safest option is best.” Kyoko narrowed her eyes at the fashionista. “And this might work.”

“What might work?” Kaito looked between them.

“I have a plan but before I say anything, you guys need to answer one question.” Hajime turned to the center of the room. Even the apex of logic, the paragon of rationality, the tsar of sensibility, could not make any sense of what the gorgeous, magnificent musician at the center of the room was doing. “ _Why are you narrating everything we do?”_

“It’s my new hobby.” Ibuki said.

A chorus of groans filled the room.

Fuyuhiko smacked his forehead. “Please don’t give her attention”

* * *

It was a smooth patrol with her two main bitches at her side. Taka to the right, and Keebs to the left.

“I’d like to report only three uniform violations today, President.” Taka saluted.

“That ain’t 0. There still dumbasses who can’t get the big picture?”

“More than a few of our classmates have established a resistance against us. They’ve been rounded up in your office, awaiting swift and decisive punishment.” Keebo replied.

“That sounds hot.” She gripped her whip tightly. Just then, she came across a sight that got her motor running faster than Keebs’. A pale-skinned girl with brown hair, an unfamiliar school uniform and a plead blue miniskirt.

“Now what do we have here?” Miu licked her lips. Before she could address the girl, she started fleeing in the other direction.

“Is she running?” “She ran.” Kiyotaka and Keebo said respectively.

The disciplinary chairman cracked a feral grin. “You gonna stand in front of me dressed like that and think you can get away huh? That takes some brass balls.”

The hunt was on, and the inventor gave chase.

* * *

_“First, we need to lure them into the position. Miu will be easy. With her new totalitarian mindset, she won’t let anyone breaking the dress code escape her. She’ll go after them and end up right where we want her.” Hajime said._

_“Who’s going to be the bait?” Kaede asked wearily._

_“We’ve decided that several of us will play that role early on, to thin Miu ranks before the main operation.” Kyoko replied._

_“Don’t worry. I’m sure this plan will work and I’ve got just our secret weapon to lure them to the main gates.” Hajime reassured them._

_Kaito gave a thumbs up. “Sounds like a plan! So…what do we call it?”_

_“Is that necessary?” Kyoko tilted her head._

_“All operations need a name.” Mukuro backed the astronaut._

_“Correct.” Hajime added. “We’ll call it, Operation: Rat Trap.”_

* * *

The chase had dragged Miu out to the academy entrance, where the gates had been left open for a mob of reserve course and a white-haired menace. However, Miu’s priorities were solely on her target. “Any of you bozos seen a walking centimeter mini’ passin through?”

“No. Just some entitled citizens who think they’re better than they really are.” Nagito folded his arms in displeasure.

“Hmhmm, what’s with the posse?”

“They’re the ones who’ve been causing unrest among the student body!” Taka pointed. Keebo was hovering in the air, a little ways behind her.

“Eh? That parade crap. I don’t care.”

Kiyotaka gasped scandalously. “Miss. President. They’re a threat to order.”

“S’long as it's SFW, I. Don’t. Care!” Miu stomped on the ground.

“Ha! Typical Ultimate behavior. We’re apparently not worth being on your radar.” Nagito spoke loudly, more to incite the crowd behind him than as a response to the girl in front.

“You said it.” Miu shrugged haphazardly.

Tensions rose at her casual disregard.

“Sheesh. This doesn’t get me going at all.” Miu pouts and snaps her finger. “Keebs, round up these jokers. I’ll figure out what to do with em’ after.”

The robot’s arms morphed into twin canons, aimed at the rioters. “Surrender. Or I will be forced to paralyze all of you.”

“We’re not going down without a fight.” Nagito warned.

The crack of Miu’s whip against the ground was deafening.

Just as a battle was about to break out…

“Yo, Kiyotaka-kun. Wouldn’t happen to be the one who wrote this lovely letter would you?” A smooth voice cut through the chaos.

* * *

_“I’m surprised we didn’t think of it before. Currently, Nagito, Makoto and Miu occupy the biggest attention in the school. Nagito with the reserve course and external factions. Miu with internal school disciplinary policies and Makoto…uh dominating the social network.” Shuichi said._

_“And so far, there’s been no problems because they haven’t gotten in the other’s way. Until we make em’ that is.” Mondo added._

_“Eh? A bonehead like you caught on? Guess Kaito’s got no more competition for dumbest in the room.” Kokichi snickered._

_Mondo raised him a middle finger. “You don’t lead a biker gang without knowing about territory and power plays, asswipe.”_

_“They just gonna beat each other up? I’m liking that.” Hiyoko smirked devilishly._

_“No. We have to settle this peacefully, remember?” Hajime corrected the dancer. “Now. We just need to get him to arrive just on time. I’m counting on you for this, Junko.”_

_The fashionista clicked her tongue. “Yeah. Yeah. I’ll map out a time and place.”_

* * *

“Yo, Kiyotaka-kun. Wouldn’t happen to be the one who wrote this lovely letter would you?” Makoto walked up to his classmate.

“L-Letter?” The ultimate moral compass faltered in front of the blinding boy.

Naegi chirped. “A heart-felt confession from an unknown sender. It’s only the 39th I’ve gotten this week, but still precious. I was told to meet them and come alone at this time.”

Keebo landed, blocking off Kiyotaka from Makoto. “Correction, scanners are detecting several dozen life signs hiding in the background.” Unbeknownst to the luckster, droves of his stalkers were scattered around, hiding behind the walls, gazing from the windows above, and perched on the roof.

Meanwhile, on the ground…

“It just me or is it burning up in here?” Miu pulled at her collar. Something about this guy made her feel dizzy. In a good way.

“Makoto, your shining is against school regulations. Stop it right now.” Kiyotaka’s words lacked any force to be called orders. Only his impartiality let him resist as long as he did. The same couldn’t be said for Nagito’s followers, who had already begun to be enraptured by the new arrival.

“Hmm, this human appears to be radiating an enormous sphere of influence.” Keebo deduced the threat. “Fortunately, as a machine I can’t feel useless emotions.” 

The canon Keebo pointed at the brunette was gone in the blink of an eye. “W-What?” Sparks from his dismembered arm flew. He had barely caught the sight of Akane’s agile figure ripping it off with speeds he didn’t think possible.

He didn’t have the time to even address the possessed gymnast before he was drop-kicked by Peko. No sooner, does a tsunami of hope’s peak students dogpile the robot.

“Everyone’s so energetic, today. I don’t dislike it.” Makoto said in the middle of the pack, made submissive by his presence.

“Big bro!”

His ears perked at the name only one person in the world would give him. He turns around to “Komaru. What’s up?”

His little sister walked up to him without a care, hands hid behind her back. “I came to visit. Did you get my letter?”

“That was yours?” Makoto gave a disappointed sigh.

“Geez. Don’t be a creep.” Komaru pouted. “I even came with a gift.”

“What is it?”

“Close your eyes and hold out your hands.” Komaru smiled.

Makoto chuckled and lowered his eyelids, not expecting the surprise to give such a shock to his system.

Literally.

The luckster blacked out after being electrified. Komaru smiles sweetly, holding Miu’s whip in her hands.

A figure came out of hiding and approached the younger girl. “I love it when a plan comes together.” Hajime smiled. Have Komaru Naegi infiltrate Nagito's campaign as a normal girl, bait the three stooges out to the same location, and take out Makoto at the end. It was foolproof.

Shuichi strutted forward. The rest of the resistance following. “Wow. You must have known Makoto's charm wouldn't work on his relative."

"Y-Yeah. Exactly what I was thinking." Hajime lied. In reality, Toko just told him that Komaru had a huge brother complex already. He figured she couldn't be any worse after getting brainwashed.

“After hearing all the weird things my brother’s been up to, I had to help smack him back to his senses.” Komaru said proudly.

Older brothers can’t beat their little sisters. That, too, was a fundamental rule of the universe.

“Is Keebo dead?” Mahiru stood over Hiyoko poking the wreckage that used to be their classmate with a stick.

“That was an unexpected casualty. Hey, I never said I was perfect.” Hajime shrugged.

“Whatever. He’s not even human, we'll just rebuild him.” Said Kokichi.

“Now that we’ve caught them, how do we cure them?” Kaede inquired while Nekomaru strung up Nagito, Makoto and Miu.

“Easy. We ask the cause of our problem.” Kyoko said.

Suddenly, 4 pair of eyes fell on the rat.

“Whoa! What’s with that look?” Kokichi Ouma backed up from the glares Hajime, Shuichi, Kyoko and Junko threw his way.

Kyoko’s balled her hands into fists. “ _Because_ every time something happens in this school, there are 5 suspects. The first is Makoto, involuntarily thanks to luck. The second is Nagito, voluntarily thanks to luck. The third is Miu Iruma, on some perverse scheme.”

A pissed off Junko pointed to herself “I’m the fourth, and in case you haven’t noticed. We’re all victims!”

“That leaves only one possibility and when all others are removed, that possibility is the correct one.” Hajime cracked his knuckles. Many more enraged glances landed on Kokichi as they clued in on the source of their strife.

Only one person stood between Kokichi and a royal beatdown.

“I mean, it was obviously him, but I want to know how.” Kaito said.

“Okay, it all started with this.” Kokichi reaches into his pocket and pulls out a strange looking flashlight.

* * *

_"What's this?" Kokichi waved the flashlight Miu kept on the desk. It was too strangely designed to be normal. Not that anything Miu ever made was._

_"What vent did you crawl out from, you rodent?!" Miu lashed out._

_"The front door. Now, what is this?" He repeated._

_The blonde recovered from the shock of the liar sneaking up on her. "Useless junk. I was trying to do the world a favor and see if I could upgrade our bodies with a flick of a light. Maybe make all those flat-chested almost as stacked as I am." She pursed her lips. "I could only go as far as overwriting personalities. Total failure."_

_"Useless huh?" Kokichi was amazed at how backward Miu's thought process could be. Oh well, one woman's trash is another man's treasure. "Miu, say cheese."_

_"Why would-"_

_*flash*_

* * *

“From there I snuck up on the other two losers to have them join in on the fun.” The others looked at him in disbelief.

“Can we beat him up now?’ Kazuichi said, wrench firmly in hand.

Kokichi slowly backed up until he hit a wall. More specifically, Mondo glowering at the purple-haired ultimate. “C-Come on, it’s Miu. There’s no way I could leave something this dangerous in her hands!”

“Because they were _so_ much safer in yours?” Shuichi arched his eyebrow.

“Honestly? Yeah." Kokichi said. "It’s been soooo boring around here. What better way to spice things up than mess with the resident trouble-makers?”

“If you’re looking for some fun, destroy the world like a normal person. This was sick!” Junko snapped.

“I don’t know if I agree with that, but you’ve gone too far this time.” Kaede fumed at the evil supreme leader.

“I didn’t mean it, honestly. Look at me, I can’t even lie anymore without digging my own grave. You think that was intentional!?”

“I think we should all calm down. Kokichi clearly didn’t think things would go this far.” Kaito surprisingly came to Kokichi’s defense. “Tell us how to reverse the process and we’ll leave things at that.”

“Jeez. At least Kaito can see reason. For once.” Kokichi sighed in relief. “Just snap em back with this.”

“Good.” Kaito snatched the flashlight from Kokichi’s hands, examining it slowly before turning to the others. “He’s all yours. Rip him one good for me too.”

Kokichi gasped. "Liar!"

Hajime looked away from the mauling of the late Kokichi Ouma, perfectly content to ignore his screams. Operation rat trap was now a complete success.

“I have been thinking. Are the current state of affairs so poor? Miu is merely cleaning up the school. Must we turn her back to her…usual self?” Korekiyo asked.

“She's been hypnotized, Kiyo! And I kinda wanna get out of this granny skirt already.” Kaede whined.

“Makoto’s finally taking the hint. It’s not sooo bad, is it?” Sayaka pleaded.

“Yes!” Leon and Kazuichi yelled.

Finally, Fuyuhiko chimed in “Nagito- Ah, who am I kidding? He’s still a pain. But at least the old one ain’t into school politics.”

It was settled. Everything was going back to normal, immediately. With everyone's eyes closed, Kaito used the flashback lights on the trio of misfits.

Nagito was the first to come to his senses. ”I understand it’s presumptuous of trash like me to feel uncomfortable, but you’re rather heavy, Nekomaru.”

“That annoying way of speaking. Glad to see you’re back to your senses.” Nekomaru said.

“Pffft- more like back in the 80s. Nice digs, ya prudes!” Miu mocked the long skirts on the girls. “What’s the matter, Kaede. Finally get tired of flashing the guys.”

“She’s back.” Kaede grumbled.

“What’s going on, guys?” Makoto chirped, kind of weirded out by the ropes. Thankfully they didn’t last long before Mukuro cut them.

“What’s the last thing you remember?” The soldier asked.

“A bright light when I was late for school this morning, I think.”

“He’s fine.” Kyoko’s tone carried a strong hint of disappointment

“Damn it.” Sayaka muttered under her breath.

Makoto tilted his head, confused at the development. Did he do something wrong?

“So we’re done here? School’s finally going back to normal?” Fuyuhiko asked.

“Give it a month or two. These freaks always find a way to screw up.” Hiyoko rolled her eyes. The group of ultimates disbanded and went their separate ways. Even Komaru left her brother behind, searching for a certain novelist.

“What’s with them? Looked like they were throwin’ a party, then dipped.” Miu clicked her tongue.

“I don’t know about you but I’m feeling nauseous. Like something abominable happened while I was asleep. Speaking of disgusting,” Nagito scrunched his nose at the sight of the unconscious plebeians scattered on the grounds. “you ultimates should keep your distance. I smell normal people.”

“You’re right about one thing. Miu-sama’s time is too precious to waste around you dweebs. I gotta fix Keebo.” How’d he get so banged up anyway?

“Don’t be that way. We can’t just leave these guys here.” Makoto raised his hands placatively.

“Sure I can.”

“Sorry, Makoto. I’ve got to put my foot down here. See ya.”

Miu and Nagito quickly left him to his own devices.

He wasn’t sure what he could do alone. The luckster scoured in every direction, chancing upon a woman in a maid dress looking his way.

“That’s the teacher in the upper class, I think.” He waved over and yelled. “Could you lend me a hand?!”

Chisa Yukizome was in awe of the heaps of people laid out everywhere. “What are these guys thinking, in the middle of the day?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.” Makoto’s finger scraped against his soft cheek. “I was thinking we may have to ask security.”

Chisa found herself paying an abnormal amount of attention to Makoto’s movements. His face. His smile. His finger scraping against his soft cheeks. Not to mention he was glowing with positivity.

No wait, he really _was_ glowing.

“Uh…are you okay?”

“G-Good idea. Follow me.” Chisa recovered and dragged the boy along.

It wasn’t long before Makoto realized, “Isn’t the security building in the other direction?”

“I know a shortcut.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I was watching DR 2.5 and thought a romanticized Makoto and an inverse Nagito was too good a concept to leave on a 20 minute OVA. Throw Miu into the mix, and this mess is what you get.


End file.
